Up For Adventure

If you know me well then you know that I am perfectly comfortable with hanging out on the couch scrapbooking, or playing board games with my kiddos. This summer I am really trying to embrace being outside as much as possible. Previous summers I did the same, kind of - I would spend as much time as possible floating in a pool. This summer I have dug rocks out of my lawn, put together seven flower beds, gone berry picking (which I have always loved), and ventured to a place I had never been, but now love. One of Mad Man’s friends went to a cool waterfall in the beginning of summer. So I put it on our bucket list. Now, I really don’t enjoy driving and this was about an hour away, so summer went on and I almost forgot about the waterfall. The weather looked good yesterday, and I got my dad on board so the kiddos and my dad and I (plus one of T Bear’s good friends) went off on an adventure. I drove, Poppi Man navigated. We had no idea what to expect, which I think was part of the fun for me. Maybe I’ve been watching too much Bachelor in Paradise, but I felt the need for an adventure. So we hiked the trail, which was an easy hike thankfully, and found the steps down to the waterfall. There were other people there wading in the water so we decided to join. Mad Man is so much fun on an adventure. He embraces it right from the start. He had his shirt, socks, and shoes off before I said it was okay to go in!  The girls joined right in. We walked along the slippery, jagged rocks, through the truly frigid water; it was amazing!  Poppi Man went right under the waterfall and the kiddos got very close to it. It was a truly special day; one I am not likely to forget. We explored the other trail when we got out of the water!  It was an excellent way to spend a day. I am looking forward to more adventures. To showing the kiddos that it’s okay to not know exactly what to expect. To embrace the unknown. To live in the moment. To try something new. I am starting to find myself more and more when I am in nature; it’s a beautiful thing.

  

What is it about August?

August is basically a month long Sunday for me. You know the anxious feelings that arise on Sunday mornings that scream “the weekend is over!” That is how the entire month of August feels to me. It’s not the hopeful summer will last forever vibe that July brings. It’s the oh no September is almost here and there is no time to do anything feel. Now, I realize that these are not wholly rational thoughts, but none the less they persist. So what do we do about it?  Tackle August. I’m trying to use up every ounce of every day this month. I’ve checked off summer bucket list items. I’ve made to do lists. I’ve  tried to plan every possible fun thing I can. The result so far is mixed: yes I have accomplished a great deal by taking this approach, but what have I missed?  I haven’t taken many moments to savor the beauty of a summer with a nine year old and six year old. They will never again be this age and we will never have these precise moments. By feeling the dread of September and schedules and routines, I have overlooked the joy of the lack of these during August. So August I see you. I see the days dwindling. I feel the nights getting cooler. I am going to embrace you as you race toward September. And if I am able to conquer you then I will work on taking on Sundays. Enjoy the journey. Be present. Live in the moment. I’m trying. Sometimes I need a reminder, but I’m trying.

Parenting through a separation

Marriage is hard. That is an insane understatement. Maybe I never thought marriage should be hard. You have two people who fall in love, build a life together, start a family...sounds beautiful to me. The reality for me was not beautiful. It was laborious, disappointing, and ultimately unsuccessful and heartbreaking. After almost thirteen years of marriage we decided to try for a separation “a chance for  us to figure out how to be happy” is what we told the kiddos. Sweet, innocent, devastated kiddos - whose life was changed forever by that lame statement. I am going to try to write my way through this. It is in no way meant to be a tell-all, or a blame-game. I am going to focus on how I am parenting through this - which if I’m being honest has shown some of my lowest points of parenting. That certainly fits my theme of a roller coaster - which when I initially named my blog was meant to simply capture the highs and lows; I had absolutely zero notion of how low it would go.