Monday, October 22, 2012

My Naughty Ballerina

When I had my T Bear I didn't know if she would ever truly be able to do all of the things that other kids do because of her hip dysplasia.  Thankfully she can.  I remember my hubby and I talking to Dr. D (her ortho guy) and telling him that we wanted T Bear to dance like Mommy. We finally got the green light and signed her up!!  Of course her teacher is one of our closest friends, whom we love dearly, otherwise this helicopter mommy probably would not have gone for an independent class!!

I had visions of my bear pirouetting across the floor looking angelic. Leaping, gliding, twirling her way to become a prima ballerina. The night before her first class I was wrought with anxiety. Would she manage to make it through the whole class without a potty accident?  (She was newly potty trained.)  Would she be shy?  (She is rarely around other children - since I stay at home.) Would she volunteer to try new things?  I was so excited for her and so nervous.  This was the first thing she was doing by herself.  All of the other classes she had done were with me.  Now she was venturing out into the world alone.  I was so proud.

She looked the epitome of a little angel with her pink tutu, pink tights, pink ballet shoes, and two adorable buns. She was very excited.  Hubby and I brought her to class.  I walked her in.  She showed no trepidation and joined the other little ballerinas in a circle.  She sat in perfect first position on the floor watching the other girls and taking it all in.  Some little ones were crying, some were clinging to their mommies.  Not my T Bear, she was perfectly content to be on her own.  I was surprised and a bit taken back thinking that she would have needed her mommy a little bit more.  I snapped a few shots, choked back my tears, waved to my mini me and headed to the waiting room.  Hubby, Mad Man and I waited for the door to close and headed out. As we headed down the long staircase my stomach was in knots, and tears were streaming down my face. My baby was out on her own.  Really she wasn't a baby anymore - that much became clear that morning.  It was a little too much to take in.  Luckily hubby was with me and was able to comfort me as visions of kindergarten, high school graduation, and college dance through my scattered brain.

When we came to pick up our little love she was so excited to see us.  She wanted to fill us in on her new adventure.  We were elated.  She used the potty and had a blast.  Although she did inform us later that she was told to shush because she kept asking when the music would play!!  That seemed innocuous enough. Then came the next class.  With much less trepidation we dropped her off.  This time when we picked her up I asked how she did and my dear friend informed me that T Bear and three others did get spoken to. Basically they didn't want to listen and really only wanted to do their own thing.  Uh oh.  I was a bit surprised, although anyone I tell this story to is not shocked at all by my strong willed little angel.  I ensured my friend that I would be talking to the bear about her behavior.  Boy did I.  Through our lengthy discussions (probably too lengthy for a three year old) she informed me that she hit a girl after the girl hit her.  What??!!  I was enraged.  As the day progressed the story became more elaborate involving several incidents of preschool violence and retaliation.  That was when I had an inkling that I was being taken on an extensive imaginary ride!!  It turns out none of that happened and the incident was not a very big deal.  Still I was convinced that I would not allow this poor behavior to happen again.

The next week came (and we are still unclear of what went down) and it seems that the bear was put in time out.  Ugh.  More chats about behavior and expectations.  The next week seemed to go well - no bad reports, no intricate stories, just a few trips to the potty (okay we are working on it!).  Maybe our naughty girl has learned her lesson.

I never thought dance class for a three year old would cause me to lose sleep.  I now have to worry about whether or not she will have a potty accident, be a good listener, be kind and courteous to others, stay out of time out, and have fun.  Wow.  The hardest part is not actually knowing what goes on in the class.  The realization that she is on her own is staggering.  This is the new phase in our lives - T Bear=Miss Independent.  Gone are the days of needing Mommy for every little thing.  I am not going to lie I already miss those days, although I am learning to embrace her growing up, simply because I have to.  We have parent observation week coming in a few weeks which will allow me a window into the class (I have already asked my hubby repeatedly to borrow his binoculars so that I may spy into the studio - but he will not comply).  I hope that my naughty ballerina will at least be on her best behavior that day!!

High = Knowing the sheer joy that dance will bring to my T Bear
Low = Realizing that I cannot control everything in the world (although I will continue to try!!)

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