Tuesday, March 12, 2013

The Return of My Naughty Little Ballerina

Just when I thought Saturday mornings could not get any worse I was proven wrong by my T Bear.  The past few weeks getting her to dance class has been beyond difficult.  Let me preface what I am about to write by saying that she always enjoys class.  She comes out happy and smiling and says she had fun.  However, I have learned not to mention that dance is even on the horizon, because she starts in with "I don't like it.  I don't want to go.  I want to skip it this week.  At first I figured she was just trying to exert some control over her life, as is par for the course of a preschooler.  I am beginning to wonder if there is more to the story.  Most of the time I can get her to the studio (with some amount of coaxing), getting her through the door is another story.  She has insisted on me holding her hand (no problem) and walking her to the door (again no problem).  Then she hangs on my legs and says she doesn't want to go.  The past two weeks have brought her to tears, but then Miss S talks to her and she goes in.  Last week was exceptionally bad in terms of the fit she threw before leaving the house.  Just as I was about to give up, I promised a visit to Mima and Poppi's after class and then she was fine.  After class I warned her that that kind of fit was unacceptable and if she did it again I would be taking a toy away.  I mean she loves pretty much every toy she has, so I figured this would work. 

One week later and I was stupidly optimistic.  She started to throw a fit when I brought her leotard out, but after we talked she was okay.  I asked her why she didn't like to go to class anymore.  Her response was that she just didn't like it, she would miss me too much, and she didn't want to dance anymore.  I reminded her of the costume (which she has desperately wanted to wear), and of the upcoming recital (especially pointing out the applause and flowers she will receive!).  I reminded her that we would be picking up Mima and Poppi after class and were having a special day shopping in Syracuse.  She seemed totally on board.  Phew.  We got to the studio and I suggested that she could walk in with one of her friends.  She was more interested now!  I got her all ready - leg warmers and ballet slippers=set!  She likes to wait until almost every other girl has entered the studio, so we did and then we were at the door.  She was very hesitant, but I encouraged her that she would have fun and thankfully her little friend was right behind her, so they walked in together.  Aah.  That was pretty easy.  So, then Miss S and I were chatting for a few minutes when all of a sudden T made a bee line toward me.  She broke into hysterics saying she didn't want to stay, she didn't like dance, she just wanted me.  She was working herself into quite a state.  I tried to reason with her and comfort her.  This went on for about ten minutes.  I explained what would happen if she didn't stay.  Miss S tried to talk to her.  She even tried to pick her up, but T had a death grip on me and continued to go into hysterics.  She was pulling on her lip (which is something she does when she is nervous).  At some point, I realized that she was not going to calm down until we left (or until I agreed to leave).  I felt horrible.  I felt bad for her that she was so upset.  I felt embarrassed for her because all of the other little ballerinas were witnessing this display.  I felt bad for Miss S because she was not able to start class, while trying to help me out.  It was awful.  Mad Man was pretty much not phased at all - he was on my lap just watching the whole thing.  I told her to get her things and we would go.  I apologized to Miss S and we were on our way.  Miraculously as soon as I said we were leaving she was fine.  At this point Mad Man had made his way into the studio and looked like he was ready for class!  Figures! 

This next part I am not very proud of, but there are only so many fits I can take.  So, I took her hand - forcefully, and we walked down the stairs.  She asked for her doll (which was in my pocket) and I told her that she couldn't have it because she had a fit.  Then my blood started to boil.  I told her I was disappointed in her behavior and she tried chatting and asking for her doll again.  In my strongest Mommy voice I told her to be quiet and that we were not talking about it anymore, and we were probably not going to Syracuse.  Ugh.  Once we got to the van, she wanted her bag of toys and a snack.  Seriously??!!  My answer was no and that I didn't want to hear her for the whole drive home.  I wanted her to think about her behavior.  I decided to call Hubby to ask his opinion about whether or not to go to Syracuse.  Once I explained the situation to him I burst into tears.  It was just all too much.  Not only is it difficult just to get the two kiddos dressed and out the door to be on time for something, but then to get her all ready while at the studio, only to have it blow up was too much for me.  I regained some composure and we drove home - in complete silence.  I think she did feel bad, and realized that maybe she can't throw a fit (or at least I hope that is what she was thinking about!).

Once we got home she talked to Daddy and we decided not to "punish" her.  She told him that she just wanted to be with me and that she would miss me too much if she went to class - boy she pulled on his heart strings.  So, against my better judgment we "rewarded" her and went to Syracuse. 

I really don't know what the deal is.  She has mentioned that a girl is mean at class.  She says she misses me too much.  She says she doesn't like it (although she is always happy and excited when she comes out of class).  I am dumbfounded.  Does she really not like it?  Is this all about getting more attention from me?  Is there a little girl being mean to my T?  Is she bucking against the structure class provides?  I don't know.  I believe that she should finish what she started.  After all, she was so excited to sign up for class and to be in class (it even helped with the potty training process!).  I hope and pray I can get her through the next few months and that I am not permanently damaging her by making her go to class.  This parenting stuff is insane!

High:  Hmm...not sure I can see one...the fact that T wants to spend time with me??
Low:  My reaction once we left the studio.


  1. Have you talked to Miss S about the mean girl your daughter was telling you about? I wish there's no bullying going on and that she just doesn't want to go because she wants to be with you.

    1. I have spoken to Miss S and she has not seen anything remotely close to bullying. I would be devastated to discover any kind of bullying. I am thinking she just is having anxiety about being away from me. Poor little sweet princess!

  2. Hi! Visiting from Top Mommy BLogs; I saw your post there.

    Sounds rough, sorry! I have no idea, myself. I have no experience with preschoolers or girls- my son is 10 months old. I agree with Megan's comment above. Ask Miss S to keep her eye out of any bullying.

    1. I have spoken to Miss S. I also watched class last week (I will be posting about it!). Congratulations on your 10 month old - I also have a 13 month old little guy!!

  3. Found you through mommy blogs: ny blogs :)

    Kids are hard! I hope your daughter loves dance again soon. :(

    (It won't let me log on with Wordpress so just posting my link: http://thesarahthings.wordpress.com)